Love is such a complicated feeling; So much that there are times when you feel like you hate your boyfriend or partner – and do not know what to do. If you are feeling this way, then you need to know that you are not alone, and there are reasons and useful tips on how to handle the situation.
What You Should Know About Your Thought Of I Hate My Boyfriend
As it seems, the line between love and hatred is very thin, and every relationship is bound to go through a bumpy road. But one thing we must know as ladies, is that we need to decide early – from a logical point of view if the relationship is healthy.
If it is, and you see a future with your partner, then you will have to understand that hard times are inevitable, and you should always try to understand your partner’s position. Do not assume, and do not be quick to judge, you should see things from his perspectives sometimes, and try to handle things with as much maturity as possible.
As time goes on, you will understand that you will succeed in building a strong, committed relationship with your partner – where you will both get along well, face whatever challenges you may have, and resolve issues amicably between yourselves.
In this article, I have highlighted the reasons and useful tips to handle the situation when you feel like you hate your boyfriend or partner. You should know that in situations such as this, you have to look within, and find reasons why you should keep pushing or let go. In essence, you should have a reason to anchor your decision on.
[Also Read; 15 Signs Your Boyfriend Likes his Female Friend]
15 Possible Reasons and Tips to Handle It When You Feel Like You Hate Your Boyfriend Or Partner
1. Avoid Self and Emotional Denial
When it comes to matters of the heart, you have to always accept the truth, and face it before you can even think of changing the situation or solving a particular problem. You can love your boyfriend so much and still feel some amount of hatred for him from time to time.
You need to stop trying to convince yourself that what you feel isn’t hatred – because it is! You feel hatred for your boyfriend despite your love for him. So, you need to avoid every form of self or emotional denial so that you can adequately identify the reason for this feeling and work towards solving it.
2. Identify the Source of the Hatred
Sometimes, it is not him you hate, but a particular attitude or action of him. Hatred is so strong, and domineering that hatred for one tiny attribute in a person can make it seem like you hate the individual entirely – not just the attribute.
You need to take a step back, and observe the situation from a logical perspective to enable you fully identify the real reason you are having a sense of hatred towards him. If you can identify the source of the hatred and focus on addressing it, you could save yourself a lot of troubles.
3. Work on Your Mindset
One reason you may have jumped on this article is because you agree that you actually feel hatred towards your boyfriend. If that is the case, then you need to change your orientation and mindset.
By now, you should have already identified what you hate in your boyfriend. So, why not change the narrative to what it really is.
Rather than go about thinking how much you hate your boyfriend, and telling yourself the same, you should change the narrative to ‘I hate it when my boyfriend ……..’; that way you have changed your mindset to recognize what you hate – not the person.
4. Try to Clear Your Head
You can never go wrong with this technique, try it, and thank me later. Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, and it appears as though you are being consumed by the hatred you feel for your partner, try to clear your head.
For me, what works best is taking a long walk alone. Yours may be listening to music or hanging out with family and close friends. I have come to discover that the only thing that can cure hatred is love, so when you are having a deep feeling of hatred, do something you love or that will distract you from that feeling.
5. Give Each Other Space
Sometimes, being in each other’s faces too much can have a negative effect on the relationship. Now, do not get me wrong here, as this is very complicated. I understand that when you are in love, 24 hours with each other is never enough, but there are times when you need to give each other some space.
As you already know, too much of familiarity can lead to disrespect – even in relationships. So, until you have both desired to be together for better or worse, try to create a balance, and give each other space from time to time.
6. Ask Yourself the Ultimate Question
There has got to be a time when you ask yourself the ultimate question – is it really you? Yes, sometimes, a lot may be happening in and around your life and you think the problem is with your partner – whereas, it is actually with you.
Are you transferring aggressions or are you getting so worked up with your career or something else, and you are heaping all your frustrations on your boyfriend? It is easy to pick a scapegoat when it comes to things such as this, whereas you are fighting the wrong battles – by hating someone who has done nothing wrong to you.
7. Are You Fighting the Wrong Battles?
In a relationship, you need to pay more attention to yourself more than you do to your partner. Don’t be too carried away trying to pick out their flaws, and you are blinded to yours. Many ladies are caught up in this web, and it can be really dangerous.
When you fight the wrong battles, you can never win – regardless of the amount of effort or the right energy you put into the fight. You need to take a step backwards and examine the real reason you actually feel so much hatred for your boyfriend – are you fighting the wrong battles and hating on the wrong person?
[Also Read; How to Trust Your Boyfriend with Female Friends]
8. Is the Relationship For You?
Sometimes we can get so carried away with the attributes of a relationship without considering if it is the right relationship for you. It is like enjoying the fruits from a tree without considering if the tree truly belongs to you.
If a relationship is not for you, there is very little you can do turn the tables. So, rather than wasting your time in a relationship you hate, and with a partner you have deep hatred for, you should ask yourself the right questions, and make a decision if the relationship is not for you.
9. What is Your Trigger?
You need to ask yourself what triggers the hatred, and recognize it. What erupts this strong sense of hatred within you? What does he do that makes you think of nothing but how much you truly hate him?
It could be as a result of statements he often makes or something he does – or doesn’t do. You need to identify this trigger. This is a huge step you need to take in identifying the problem and knowing how best to tackle it. One of the most important steps you need to consider when you make decisions such as this, is to first identify what triggers the feeling in the first place.
10. Talk to Your Boyfriend About It
As the famous quote goes – knowledge is nothing if it is not put into good use – and rightly so. Now that you have identified the trigger, and you have decided that this is a relationship you want to keep. For some reasons best known to you, you want to make this work and move above this feeling of hatred.
The best thing to do at this point is to talk to your boyfriend about how these attitudes of his make you feel, and how you would love him to work on them, so that you both can have a more peaceful, loving and enjoyable relationship.
11. Give Him Room to Share His Opinions
I can understand your position – you feel so much hatred for him, and there is nothing he is going to say that will change how you feel. Perhaps the way he talks to you is even one of the reasons you hate him as much as you do.
But one of the reasons and tips to handle the circumstance of feeling hatred for your partner is to try to hear them out. Give him room to share his opinions and express the reasons for what you perceive as his actions – or inactions. Who knows, after a candid conversation, you may see things differently.
12. Look at the Brighter Side
Most times, we hold on to one flaw or one weakness in our partner and put aside all their good attributes. Rather than focus on the reason why you feel hatred for your boyfriend, why not focus on the brighter side.
There are surely some good attributes about him – things about him that sets him apart, or times he has come through for you over and again. Rather than focus on the things that will make you hate him, why not focus on the things that will make you love him?
13. Try to Work it Out
This is one area in which many ladies are lacking. Contrary to what you believe or what majority of the society preaches today, a woman has a role to play in building a solid relationship.
Yes, you have suddenly discovered that you feel a certain sort of hatred towards him, but have you tried to work things out? Have you tried to make things better, rather than focus on all the reasons why you hate him and feel the relationship cannot work out?
14. Re-Evaluate Your Yard-sticks
Ladies are often guilty of this when it comes to judging their partners or setting standards for their relationships. When you notice that you are beginning to hate your partner all of a sudden, perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your yardsticks.
What do you judge him by? What type of a man are you expecting him to become? Are you being realistic and unselfish? When you ask yourself questions such as these and give candid answers, you will notice that your feeling of hatred will die a natural death.
15. Consider Talking to a Professional Therapist
The idea of talking to a therapist is often met with stern faces – but this should not be so. When you notice that your feeling of hatred is getting stronger, the best thing to do is to talk to a professional therapist about you.
The therapist is trained to guide you in situations such as this, and give you the best advice on the decision to take.
From experience, I can tell you that having mixed feelings and reactions towards your partner is a normal feeling – yes, trust me on that. You are not alone – there are times when you will feel like you can take a bullet for him, and some other times, you wish you were the bullets that will silence him forever.
However, we must always be conscious of the fact that allowing this negative feeling of hatred to find a place in your heart will lead to severe consequences including a bitter break-up.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship; for any relationship to succeed, both parties must work the grind, and do all it takes to build the relationship from ground up. You must be ready to compromise – learn, unlearn, re-learn and adapt. You need to get to the point where you love your partner without doubt, and can give him the benefit of doubt.
If your question is ‘can I ever love him considering the fact that I feel so much hatred for him at times?’ The candid answer is yes. If the relationship is one with a future and your hatred is anchored on sentiments or selfish interests, then you need to retrace your steps and work towards making your relationship work.
A beautiful and fairy-tale relationship is possible, and you can build one for yourself if you are determined to do so. Let no one deceive you, you have the ability to choose love over hatred – chose rightly!