A relationship is to be enjoyed and not to be endured, hence, a complicated relationship does to the emotional health what a herbicide does to the grass; It slowly drains your energy, and ends up terminating your joy if you allow it. It’s that bad! This is why every human needs to learn how to handle complicated relationship at some point.
Every relationship indeed has its ups and downs but couples should know what to do to maintain the peace and tranquility that should exist in a relationship.
A complicated relationship steals peace more than it gives, one which brings discomfort and probably a momentary joy that is usually followed by a truckload of discomfort.
No one deserves to be in such a relationship, and just like every other thing, it can be handled.
How to Handle Complicated Relationship
Before diving into ways to handle a complicated relationship, you should know the reasons behind a complicated relationship.
Reasons Behind Complicated Relationship
Behind every effect or result, there is a cause. Relationships don’t become complicated from the onset, some things or events can move a relationship that started with lots of love, into a complicated one over time. Some of these reasons are tangible while some are not tangible.
1. Loss of clarity: It’s a two-way thing. Let’s see this from two angles.
When a purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. A relationship will move into the complicated zone when it’s not defined or spelled out. This is one of the primary reasons many relationships end up in the dungeon. There is a need to state the goal or purpose behind a thing for that thing to flow smoothly.
The other angle is when a couple kickstarts a love relationship with one goal and pattern, and in the long run, one out of the two loses sight of why the relationship was established, it renders the relationship purposeless and void of peace and love which are basic ingredients for a successful relationship.
2. Loss of interest: Most people tend to start a process of ending a relationship by first extracting the peace in it. Most times, they start with complaints and then move over to excuses. When this happens, the relationship will lose its essence.
3. Misunderstanding: This can come in different forms but most times, it comes from the angle of love language. When couples don’t understand how they express love, there is bound to be conflict in that relationship.
4. Incompatibility: Being in a relationship with someone who is not compatible with you is like fetching water with a basket, it won’t work. Even if it works from the onset, just give it time and everything will come to a halt, hence, the need for a compatibility test before going into the relationship.
Now that we’ve known the few factors that can make a relationship complicated, it’s also good we know the signs that tell whether a relationship is complicated or not, and so as to understand more better how to handle complicated relationship.
Complicated Relationship Signs
Remember the work of a litmus paper? It shows whether a solution is basic or acidic and that is what these signs are, indicators. They are proof that a relationship is complicated and needs to be handled whether by looking out for ways to put things together so as to return the relationship to normalcy or to end it all up. You are in a complicated relationship if;
1. You are yet to inform your family: When couples are truly in love, they often hasten the process of informing their parents/guardians or their closest friends about the relationship. When this does not happen, it means that the relationship lacks complete sincerity from one or both of them, and whenever couples start to keep secret, there is bound to be a breakup.
2. The future is not discussed: If your partner does not discuss the future with you, the reason is clear. It is because he/she isn’t seeing you in it. If you and your partner do not discuss your visions, goals and, aspirations, it only tells that you two don’t have the intention of staying long in the relationship.
If you went into the relationship with the aim of making it to the altar with your partner, and your partner sees your union as nothing but a fling, then, you can comfortably tell everyone that cares to listen that you’re in a complicated relationship because that is what it is.
3. You’re in it for something: Friends with benefits. When your partner is always after gain, and they are not ready to make reasonable sacrifices, then the relationship is complicated, or if you and your partner agreed to initiate a relationship for benefits and not out of love, it will definitely break if the structure isn’t repaired.
4. The relationship began in an unhealthy way: If your relationship started immediately after your partner broke up with an ex, there is a 95% probability that both parties will feel suffocated in it because the memory of a previous relationship isn’t easily erased.
After a breakup, it is advisable to wait for a while to undergo a healing process before going into another one. This is to protect the emotional health of the other person, and also to be sound enough to give the new relationship what it needs to stand and grow. Failure to heed, the relationship will be a nightmare for both partners.
5. You meet in the secret: If you’re proud of yourself and who you love, why meet in a hideout. If your partner always avoids being seen with you, it means two things. It is either he/she isn’t proud of you or he/she isn’t faithful to you. A good relationship or rather, couples that love themselves truly, seek earnestly, an opportunity to introduce their partners. If this does not happen in your relationship, then, it’s complicated.
6. Exes are regularly discussed: Of course, there is bound to be a comparison if your partner isn’t over their previous relationship. Even it isn’t spelled out, the other might feel uncomfortable always, and this is capable of stealing the peace that should be enjoyed in that relationship.
7. Your reasoning differs: It’s always advisable to date or court someone with the same reasoning as you. Failure to do that equals frustration and a mind relapse. If in a relationship your partner thinks north and you think south, you both will constantly be in disagreement. The absence of peace is termed conflict, and when you do nothing but fighting in a relationship, then, it’s a complicated one.
8. Love can’t be seen in it anymore: Well, there is this thing they say about change being constant, that is very true. The relationship might be going well previously but suddenly the show of love reduces drastically for no reason, no flirting, no urge to be together. When love lack in a relationship, it automatically becomes a “situationship”.
When you find yourself in this kind of relationship, the best thing to do is to re-evaluate your interest, find out what you want, ask yourself some questions that will help bring clarity. Evaluate the relationship, ascertain if it is one that is worth fighting for or one that should be trashed.
9. You fight frequently: Couples fight, that I know but if it exceeds the normal, then you’re definitely in a complicated relationship. The presence of love helps to settle some issues that come up in a relationship but when you fight often, it means that it is probably time to end it.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with leaving a relationship that constantly steals your peace of mind and body. If it isn’t worth the fight, then, you must look for a way to end it but if you believe that you can move this relationship back to normal, it’s all up to you.
How to End a Complicated Relationship
When it comes to things that concern the heart, it’s always good to neglect emotions and make decisions that will benefit the future. Ending a complicated relationship doesn’t make you the bad person, but rather one who is bold and wants better things out of life.
Below are good and smart ways to end it all with your partner and move towards peace and happiness.
1. Meet up and talk: A relationship is between two adults, you both should be able to sit and talk things through. Never consider sending a text or breaking up on the phone because it sends a very bad message. It indirectly tells the other person that he/she isn’t worth it. Find a very good place where you both can interact face to face and discuss intensely.
2. Go down the memory lane: Help your partner relax by reminding him/her of all the good moments you both shared, and openly appreciate your partner for all these good times. This is a good way to begin because it will tell your partner that despite the situation of things, you still value the little sweet moments, this way, he/she will become more understanding when you bring up the breakup issue.
3. Don’t blame: The relationship is already complicated, don’t make it worse. If you want to part ways with your partner, starting the process by putting blames on your partner isn’t so nice, no matter how complicated it may be. By doing so, you will be making him/her the bad guy and everyone placed in such a position will always want to defend him/herself. Let your partner know that you want out, and try not to make him/her feel that he/she is the reason.
4. Honesty is needed but mind your words: In as much as honesty is required, you need to mind your statement or how you relate the issue to your partner. In most cases, he/she might want to know the reason behind your action. In place of statements like “you’re too stingy”, you’ve been a pain in the ass” or every other negative statement all in the name of being honest, you can find a decent way to put what you want to say to avoid blaming the other person.
5. Don’t show sympathy: Okay, the norm has always been to show sympathy to your partner probably to help the situation but a good look at it will help you to understand that it isn’t the right thing to do. Instead of apologizing about everything, openly tell your partner what your reason is, in a decent way and leave the scene. You can start by saying ” After much thought, I gathered that this relationship isn’t what we both want, and the reason is our incompatibility. I believe that the best decision we have to make now is part ways because we both deserve better”. With that, you’re not putting him/her as the cause, but you both, hence, you need not say sorry.
6. Don’t give advice or suggest an option: Most people especially ladies believe they can help the situation by advising their partner, it might be a good thing to do but, the timing is super wrong. Being dumped is strength-sapping and being advised by the one who just dumped you have a way of increasing one’s anger level. Another set of people would even go to the extent of suggesting another person to their partner, regardless of the fact that you dated him/her, you have no right to suggest someone else, let alone doing it immediately after a breakup. He/she might have your head if you try that.
7. Give yourself time to recover: After the whole scenario, you must try to give yourself some attention, you totally deserve it. A complicated relationship is energy-draining, hence, you need to take your time to recover the energy spent. You plan a getaway with friends that genuinely love and support you, or you go alone for sake of sober reflection.
As humans, one of our basic needs is to be loved and cared for, hence, the need for a partner. As I wrote earlier, a relationship is meant to be enjoyed and not endured, and as such, you must strive to keep a healthy relationship for the sake of your mental health.
Now, you know what a complicated relationship is, and the various signs that indicate that you’re in one, the ball is in your court. You are free to decide what to do next; either to keep or end it.