How do I do this? How do I look him in the eyes and tell him that I want a break? How do I even face his family members? My heart, will I be able to take the pain?
These and more might be the questions running through your head right now, and you have searched but haven’t found answers to them.
It’s not easy to do what you want, but it’s not impossible and so, you must cheer up, decide and get on with it.
I have written below how to leave someone you love but can’t be with.
These tips are the solution you seek. Read through and implement as well.
How to Leave Someone you Love But Can’t Be With
1. Tell yourself the truth and stick with it
Why am I leaving? What is wrong with this relationship? Am I really happy here? What will happen if I continue to stay in this relationship? These are questions you must answer honestly, and most importantly, stick with the answer no matter how much everyone tries to convince you.
2. Don’t be emotional
You must do what is needful, don’t be governed by your emotions. Yes, you still love your partner so much but how about you? Remember, you are your priority. Stay true to your decision and don’t be swayed by his/her tears or pleading. Decide to do what matters more and stick to it.
3. Give clues
It’s not fair to break the news just like that without preparing the heart of your partner. Leave clues, that way, your partner’s heart will be able to develop the stamina to withstand what is coming. You can begin by snubbing calls and messages both SMS and WhatsApp messages. Cancel dates or avoid meeting up. These clues will help your partner prepare his/her mind and heart for the worst that could happen.
4. Go to a serene environment
This shouldn’t be done in a noisy area, remember it should be a heart-to-heart conversation. Pick a nice environment that will enable you both to relate properly.
Instead of booking a seat at that classy restaurant, I would suggest you visit the beach on workdays where you will find fewer people. That way, you both will have the chance to pour out your heart without thinking much about who’s watching.
5. Don’t break the news on phone
This isn’t right at all and it might steer up enmity between you two and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that. If you want to break up, do it in person. This will help you to properly say why you want and also help the other person to understand your points clearly.
6. Don’t argue
You came to wave goodbye and not to argue. Even if the other person wants you both to argue, keep calm and focus on the reason you’re there. Your reason for breaking up might be infidelity and your partner might want to deny the allegations.
Don’t argue, that will change nothing, it will bring no benefit. Just be fast with what brought you and leave as soon as you’re done.
7. Go straight to the point
You might be tempted to beat around the bush to delay the real message but don’t do it. It’s normal to appreciate them for the good times you had together but make that as brief as possible.
Don’t narrate too much, don’t point out scenarios that made you cry and how many times you had sleepless nights. All that should be summarized.
8. Don’t apportion blames
You’re hurt, yes, but you shouldn’t dwell on that. The purpose of your meeting is to finally announce that you’re no longer interested in the relationship and not to apportion blame, stick to why you’re there.
Don’t make your Ex feel like the devil, that’s not good for you both because s/he might still be of help to you someday.
9. Respect, don’t abuse
That you’re breaking up doesn’t mean you should forget your manners or change from who you’re. You shouldn’t insult or abuse them verbally, that’s not polite you know.
Life doesn’t end after your breakup, you both might need each other in the future, and by being disrespectful whether directly or indirectly, you’re blocking the channel that might bring help your way. Beware!
10. Don’t give in to pleas
This might happen, your Ex might spend weeks begging you to return but don’t give in. S/he might even go to the extent of involving your friends and family members but be firm.
Always remember the reason for your decision and don’t compromise. It’s hard but it’s worth it. With time s/he will eventually get used to it.
11. Don’t suggest being friends
Somehow, some people feel that suggesting to be friends with their Ex will make them feel relaxed and happy after breaking up with them but that’s not true because no one will choose to watch over a sumptuous meal over eating some from it.
Suggesting to be friends with them makes you look indecisive and that’s not good for you. Maintain your stand and if your Ex suggests it, don’t promise and don’t say No blatantly.
12. Set boundaries
Remember, you love him but you’re leaving because of situations that are beyond your control. What this means is that you won’t automatically stop having feelings for him/her.
Those sexual urges will still be there, at least for a while and so, you must be careful with how you both relate. Set clear boundaries and ensure that you adhere to them.
13. Cry if you wish
It’s okay to cry. Express yourself anyhow you want to. Breaking up with the one you cherish especially when you’ve invested a whole lot in the relationship isn’t easy at all, it’s heartbreaking. Shout and cry if that will help ease the pain you feel inside but after that, wipe your tears, dust yourself and move on.
14. Love yourself
Remember, you are responsible for your happiness. Breakup isn’t the end of life and your Ex isn’t the only one you can date or even marry. Go to the spa and take care of your skin, buy yourself new outfits and ensure you go for bright colors, you are not mourning anyone.
How about your manicure and pedicure? Look neat and wear a smiling face at all times. Try as much as possible to look nice even though it’s gonna be difficult.
15. Hang out with friends
This is a good way of waving off thoughts of your Ex from your mind for some time. Hang out with the girls and gist about life entirely, dance to lively jams but don’t overdo it. Go chill with the guys at the club, avoid bringing up the breakup, and cheer to a better life.
And that’s it on how to leave someone you love but can’t be with!
You might be wondering what on earth will make you leave the person you adore, but it happens okay.
There are many reasons people leave their lovers and most times, they are unavoidable.
Below are 10 reasons you can leave someone you love.
10 Reasons to Leave Someone you love
1. Very low libido
It’s frustrating to be in a relationship with someone with very low libido while you naturally have a high libido, it’s really tiring but if you know you won’t be patient enough to work with your lover to remedy the situation, you should leave to avoid cheating regularly.
As funny as it may sound, many divorce and breakup were all caused by something as simple as relocation. Most people find it difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship, they rather go their separate way than date a man or woman who they can’t see on daily basis. If this is you, then, it’s safe to act accordingly to avoid future damage.
3. Family issues
Some families have it as a tradition to choose a spouse for each of their children, and they totally frown at anyone who attempts to disobey this tradition. If your lover comes from this kind of home and is insisting that he will be with you against the family instruction, you might want to give up on your love because if you insist on it, you might end up in tears.
4. Conflicting genotype
Well, life happens and when it does, you don’t do otherwise. If your genotypes are conflicting, you don’t need to keep fighting except you both agree to use protection all your lives to avoid pregnancy and this isn’t 100% assured. You might end up regretting your actions.
Some can endure it but if you can’t you should leave because there’s a possibility that it will keep happening even before your very eyes. If your heart can’t take such, you should give up on the love you have for your lover and find peace and respect elsewhere.
6. One-sided affection
Love is blind, that might be true but please, don’t stay blind forever. If your partner doesn’t feel for you what you feel for him or her, you shouldn’t stay in that relationship. It’s not a one-man business, it’s a relationship that involves two hearts.
7. Clashing values
He loves God and you don’t really care, she loves self-development a lot and you don’t want to disturb yourself with that. He wants to grow into a big brand that will be well known all over the world and you just want a simple or quiet life where no one knows you.
These are examples of what I mean by clashing values. If you are experiencing this in your relationship, it will only take a little time before it will begin to affect you generally.
8. Change in priority
You finally decided to focus more on self-building instead of heterogeneous relationships at that point in your life. If you feel that your relationship is the reason you aren’t achieving what you ought to achieve, then, you are safe to leave.
9. Physical assault
He leaves punches on your face each day and doesn’t allow you to sleep at night because of his high and unquenchable urge. You barely return home these days after work because of your woman’s nagging and whining. That’s abuse you know.
10. Absence of vision
It’s expected that you go into a relationship for a purpose or reason. But apparently, some people are dating for the fun of it. If you notice that your relationship isn’t heading to any good destination, you can leave gently no matter how deep your love for your partner is.
You’ve seen how you can leave the one you love and can’t be with and also good reasons to leave your partner even when you still love them.
The question on the table now might be, what do I say when I want to break up with the one I love but can’t be with? But we have that covered as well.
Here are 6 things you can say:
What to Say When Leaving Someone You Love But Can’t Be With
1. Ask for a date: Call your partner on phone and ask for a date but ensure you already picked a good venue before calling.
2. Appreciate the good times: When s/he eventually shows up, start by appreciating the good times you both had but don’t let this take the whole of your time because most times, once you begin to appreciate someone this way, they will begin to decode your intention and can become aggressive.
3. Break the news: Don’t beat around the bush, let them know what you’re up to but you must go prepared to stand any action from them. No one takes a breakup lightly.
4. Say why you’re leaving: Point out why you’ve made up your mind to leave and avoid apportioning blames. Go straight to the point and don’t over narrate.
5. Wish them well: Don’t begin by telling them how you wish that they find someone to take your place in their lives, that’s hurting. Just wish them well generally. Don’t be very specific.
6. Hear them out: You don’t just say what you have in your mind and walk out. You should also hear what they have to say but don’t give in to their pleas that might come.
These tips above will help you break up well with the one you love and can’t be with, and also help maintain a cordial relationship with your Ex. Carefully make use of these tips and get what you want.