It’s not being nosy looking out for signs your boyfriend is gay, it’s called looking out for yourself. Wanting to know if your man is straight or not isn’t a bad attempt because you both are in a relationship and shouldn’t keep certain secrets or rather, no secret at all.
Then again, you must ensure you don’t handle this wrongly because things might go haywire if he notices that you’re doubting or trying to investigate him especially if he isn’t gay.
For you to get the answers to your question, you must know what being gay means. You shouldn’t depend on random information you hear, it might be misleading. You must understand this yourself, and this is one of the reasons for this article.
What Does It Mean to Be Gay?
In simple terms, a gay is a man that is attracted to his fellow man. They are called homosexual because they have nothing sexual to do with ladies, it does not interest them in any way. But you must know that being gay is different from being bisexual, they are completely different.
While a gay goes down with his fellow man, a bisexual goes down with either gender. They can be emotionally attached to their gender or opposite gender, they sometimes, refer to themselves as non-preferential. You must understand this well enough to decide which group your man may fall in.
Your suspicion might be right or wrong.
He might be doing some things that gays do, but that doesn’t mean he is, and so, I will be introducing you to some of these things guys do that don’t mean they’re gay, to help guide you.
Also Read: Signs Your Crush Likes Someone Else
Things Guys Do That Don’t Mean They’re Gay
1. He admires other guys’ dress sense: Of course, he is human, he is created with the ability to like and dislike. Every guy out there likes and appreciates good fashion sense, and your man isn’t excluded. Even as a lady, you sometimes admire another lady’s dress, and even go as far as taking their picture. So, your man might just be expressing himself.
2. He isn’t interested in sex: Alright, fine. Gays don’t have anything to do with women sexually, and your man is telling you he doesn’t want sex in your relationship and you’re suspecting he isn’t straight. Have you really asked him why he choose that path?
Some guys choose to be celibate throughout their dating period because they believe that sex is best enjoyed as a married fellow, he might just be one of them and so, before you accuse him of being gay, try to know why he isn’t going down with you.
3. He doesn’t enjoy football: Who says it’s a must for guys to love football? It isn’t written anywhere, so, let your man be. It’s okay if he doesn’t love or play football as most guys do, it doesn’t make him less of who he is.
If this is the only action of his that powers your suspicion, you’ve got to drop it now because this isn’t enough reason to conclude he’s gay.
4. He keeps his closet super clean: Well, gay guys do this a lot but that doesn’t mean no one else can. There are people both males and females, who are naturally clean, they’re born with the melancholic trait, and one way to point them out it’s their love to put their things in order no matter how tired and stressed they are.
5. He doesn’t keep female friends: You should be happy he doesn’t, you know, right? This might be him trying to gain your trust or rather he might not have seen any reason to hang out with other ladies when he has you all to himself, that might be his mindset and so, stop your suspicions, you might lose him if you don’t.
6. He wears jewelry: Hey, come on, a lot of guys do. Putting jewelry on doesn’t necessarily mean he is gay. He might be doing his thing without even thinking about looking at his fellow man twice. If this is why you think he is gay, you must do one of these two things, you either get it off your mind or you dig deeper to get your questions answered.
7. He loves lady’s profession: Truth is, most gays run into doing what ladies love doing because it makes them have that girlie feeling but this might not be the case with your man. As a matter of fact, in the 21st century, no job, business, or profession is tagged feminine, guys are everywhere in a bid to make a living, don’t be misled.
8. He buys feminine deodorant: You aren’t totally wrong if you suspect him if he does this because straight guys are known to go for perfumes with strong fragrance but on second thought, he might just love it and nothing more. Remember, he has the freedom to love whatever he chooses to love.
9. He makes girlish gestures: Oh well, these things happen especially if he works more with ladies. That habit might just be a random habit he picked up from his workplace and probably, he hasn’t even realized he’s acting that way. If you love him, you should walk up to him and make him see that he has a new habit that you can’t accommodate.
10. He chews gum often: Yes, gay guys do this often, especially the tops, it’s one of their characteristic features but straight guys do too. Guys that do this more are those that grew amidst ladies, he might have grabbed that habit while he was growing up or he might be working on his breath, You should be worried if he chews it recklessly even when discussing a serious issue with his bosses at the office.
My point is, this habit isn’t enough to conclude that he is gay. If you want to know more, look deep in search of other pointers.
Don’t break your home or your relationship based on these things alone. There are more basic signs your boyfriend is gay which can help you know if or not your man is really gay.
Gays are known for lots of characteristics that I’m about to show you, but as I said earlier, while investigating him, try not to be too obvious, that might hurt him deeply if your suspicion is wrong.
Also Read: How to Stop Being Horny
Here are 20 ways to know that your boyfriend is gay:
20 Signs your Boyfriend is Gay
1. He initiates eye contact with guys more: This is one of the means of hooking up with guys that he loves, and wants to be with. This is frequent both among downs and tops, they send signals to each other and hook up afterward, just the way a guy and a girl hook up in the club.
If you catch him trying so much to initiate eye contact with a particular guy, you can go ahead to investigate further for he might be gay.
2. He doesn’t fall for your advances: No straight guy will remain normal with a lady that constantly displays hot boobs to his face, they always react but they do this differently.
Some group of faithful and self-controlled guys will begin to avoid anything to do with such a lady and some will fall at the first or second attempt.
Now, if your man doesn’t fall for your advances and still doesn’t avoid you, this means that he has no problem with your moves, like, it doesn’t affect him in any way which signifies that he might be gay.
3. His friends are gay: “Birds of a feather, flock together”, That quote might be old but still very true. If he hangs out with homosexuals and bisexuals, it shows that he might be aiming to be one or is already one.
This is a strong signs your boyfriend is gay, because friends influence our interests, choices, and even our character, so, if he makes more gay friends, it shows that he may be one.
4. He visits gay dating sites: Of course, he is interested in them if not, what do people do on dating sites? They either visit there to hook up with someone or to be hooked up with.
Your man may be longing to have intimacy with a male counterpart but don’t know how to go meet them one on one and then, he decides to make use of the dating sites. If you catch him navigating through gay dating sites when it’s obvious he isn’t carrying out research on gays, you can proceed to conclude he’s gay.
5. His dad is gay: Even though this isn’t a sure sign he is gay but it is a pointer. If his dad is gay or bisexual, the possibility of him following his footsteps is high since he grew up living with his dad.
He might just adopt the belief that being a homosexual isn’t bad at all, but doesn’t have the confidence to accept his sexuality publicly. Hence, you still need to further your investigation before concluding that he is gay.
6. He finds no pleasure riding you: Guys love sex a lot, some men don’t go a day without going down with a woman. That’s how important it is for guys. If your boyfriend declares no sex in your relationship, it might mean three things.
It’s either he is a good Christian that believes that sex is supposed to be enjoyed after the wedding or he isn’t in love with you anymore and is getting satisfied sexually elsewhere or he isn’t straight. His reason should fall under these three here, it’s now your job to find out which of them is his reason.
7. He stares at men often: You know the way guys lose control on seeing sexy ladies walk past them? You know how they abandon everything they’re doing to gaze lustily at them? If your man does this same thing when he sees good-looking guys, you should know that he is into men.
There’s no excuse for this habit, he shouldn’t be falling for guys the way he does if he is straight. It’s different if he admires their outfit; blazers, shoes, and haircut, everyone does that, but if he looks uncontrollably at his fellow guy, he is definitely gay.
8. He enjoys gay sex scenes in movies: Does he move the movie backward to watch a gay sex scene more than twice? Does he buy movies that featured many gay scenes? Does he get erect watching two guys make out? He is definitely gay if he does all that, no doubt at all.
Those things don’t affect straight men, as a matter of fact, it’s not appalling to them. Straight men don’t just go to movie stand to get one because it has gay sex scenes, of what use will it be to them? Your man is gay if he loves these things, you should stop investigating now and look for what to do.
9. He suggests anal sex stimulation before making out with you: Just in case you don’t know, anal sex stimulation involves arousing the anus using either finger, tongue, or external objects such as a dildo.
If your man request anus stimulation before he can have vaginal sex with you, it shows he likes anal sex more than vaginal penetration and this is common amongst gays. Although, some men who aren’t gay request anal sex from their women but not as often as gays and bisexuals.
10. He describes other men in a sexy way: Only women and gays do this, the tops to be precise. Something isn’t right when a man begins to describe his fellow man in a sexy way, it isn’t normal. Once you hear him doing this often, it’s a sign that he might be falling for him and couldn’t hold back his feelings for the other guy. This is one of the major indicators to sight gay guys when you see them.
11. He wears skimpy shorts often: Oh yeah, he is trying to look sexy enough for his newest catch. This trait often goes with making girly gestures, wearing feminine fragrances, and painting nails. If your guy does all of these when you’re sure he isn’t getting ready to act on a movie set, you should know that he is indeed gay, period!
12. He’s been into men before: The habits can still be recuperated. If he opened up and told you before now that he was once gay and you suddenly begin to see him do things that gays do, it’s safe to say that he might have gone back to his old ways.
But then again, you should be sure before you approach him over this issue because your mind might be playing a fast one on you.
13. Your instinct tells you he is: Sometimes, our instinct don’t deceive us, but your suspicion should not be based on gut feeling only rather, it should lead you to investigate more to lay your hands on more facts. If you think he’s gay, try to catch him doing some of the things listed here before labeling him gay.
14. He prefers to stay below before during sex: This doesn’t mean that he’s gay if he enjoys you on top during sex, no, that’s not what this is all about.
Most straight men love to see their women being in charge sometimes, the difference here is, gay guys insist on staying below often, and sometimes, they might flare up and walk away if you refuse to accept their condition, after all, vaginal penetration isn’t what they really love doing.
15. His best colour is pink: Everyone knows that pink belongs to women. You rarely see any straight guy that fancies pink or any other flashy colour, they are hard to find. He might go for this colour because he feels he’s feminine and wants to be seen as one.
16. He often crash at his friend’s place: Especially when you’re at home waiting for his return. No normal man will leave his girl at his home to go crash at his friend’s house when they aren’t fighting.
It’s not normal and you should be worried if he does this very often because it’s a sign that shows that he’s getting satisfaction from his friend. Straight guys do this to their women when they fight and aren’t in the mood or when it’s so important that they work together to get urgent work done before the next day.
17. He buys an expensive gift for a particular guy: Gifts are another means to say thank you and I love you too. You must know the words behind his action towards that particular guy.
Guys spoil themselves sometimes but not all the time and so, when he buys expensive items for a particular friend of his, it might mean something deep but ensure you don’t make a fuss about it yet until you get to the bottom of the matter.
18. He spills: What is the best way to know if not hearing it from his mouth. If he’s is bold enough, he might confide in you especially if your resident country legalized it.
So, when you notice one of the many signs your Boyfriend is gay listed here, you can approach him in a friendly way, when he sees that you aren’t coming to judge him, he will reveal the secrets.
19. He saves many male models’ pictures on his phone: The normal thing guys do is to save or have a girl model pictures, you know those erotic pictures that appeal to their eyes.
If your man seldom saves that kind of picture but rather, downloads pictures of men showing off their abs and all they’ve got, he might be a gay being enticed by the kind of things he wants in a man.
20. He sees nothing bad about gays: Well, this might be him trying to show that everyone has the legal right to live the way they want to live. This alone can’t prove that he is gay.
There are lots of straight guys that work with gay guys especially in some countries without judging their choice of life pattern. Hence, you must be careful before saying he’s one of them.
21. He compliments guys more: Too much of everything is bad, and this isn’t excluded either. If he goes ” you are super handsome, you’re muscular, you’re lips are pinky and seems succulent, etc, on a guy, he is sure a gay because no straight man will speak of his fellow man that way. This is definitely one of the signs your boyfriend is gay. This is a big pointer to the fact he is into men and you need to decide on what to do next.
22. He joins a gay group on social media: This isn’t so hard to do. Grab his phone and search through to see the kind of group he belongs to and the kind of people he accepts their friend requests, you will surely find out a lot about the guy you’re dating.
Snooping through his phone isn’t really ideal but you must do what you have to do to keep your heart safe because if he is, it means that he doesn’t need you anymore.
23. He isn’t interested in childbearing: Most gays and bisexuals delay childbearing after the wedding because they don’t want anything that will pose a hindrance to their enjoyment, and they aren’t ready to stop sleeping around to raise kids.
This isn’t a big pointer though, even some straight guys also run away from parenting after their wedding for some years but the difference is that the straight men will have intercourse with their women with protection to avoid getting them pregnant but the gays will rather go for anal sex.
24. He engages in sexting with a guy: It’s a very big pointer. Straight men engage in sexting with ladies that they want to go down with when they are horny, and not their fellow men.
If you catch your boyfriend or husband, sexting with his male colleague at work, it means that they have something going on.
25. He giggles when complimented by a guy: Straight guys don’t do that. When they are appreciated by a guy, they either shake hands, hug or say thank you in a masculine way.
If your man always giggles like a lady when he is complimented by another guy, he is vividly showing that it makes him fulfilled more than when a woman does that.
Most times, they do this if the compliment is coming from someone they have been harboring feelings for.
If you notice that your boyfriend does more than five of these signs, you can clearly say that he is gay but to be on a safer side, don’t make it public until he confesses or rather confides in you.
Signs your Boyfriend May Not Be Gay
There are things that your boyfriend might be doing that don’t make him gay which includes;
1. He might just enjoy hanging around women or wearing tight shorts, after all, some fashionistas do that.
2. His neatness might be a result of being groomed by parents who don’t tolerate dirty corners.
3. He might prolong childbearing because of work or lack of finance, you never can tell.
4. His no-sex resolution in your relationship might be him trying to maintain his relationship with his God.
So, you just have to hear from him before concluding.
While you wait for him to come to you to talk about it, here are some of the things you should do:
What to Do When You Strongly Suspect Him
1. Go get yourself checked: Health is wealth and should be your priority. If you suspect he isn’t straight, first go for a medical examination to ensure he hasn’t passed on sexually transmitted diseases to you.
But ensure you keep the reason for going for check-up hidden from him, you don’t want him to notice that you’re being suspicious of him.
2. Don’t walk out on him just yet: That won’t get him talking, rather it might tear your home or relationship apart turning you into a single mum if kids are involved.
Wait to hear from him first, most times, guys become homosexuals unintentionally and this might be the case of your man. Give him time to come out clean.
3. Don’t force him to talk: This won’t save the situation at all. He isn’t a kid that needs to be propelled to speak; he is an adult. Forcing him to speak will backfire as he might interpret it differently and decide to keep mute on the matter come what may.
So, allow him to tell you himself. If he does, it will mean that he still values you, and want to work with you to make the relationship stronger.
4. Have a gentle conversation with him: If you two have been in the relationship for a long time and have enjoyed your time together before he began to do things that suggest he is gay, you can initiate a gentle conversation with him and this can be done in many ways.
If he’s the type that enjoys a cool environment, take him to the woods, have him sit beside you, look into his eyes and tell him how much you love him, also, remind him of your old days together.
When it seems like you’re getting to him emotionally, bring to his notice those habits that you’ve seen him display and observe his reaction. Remember, don’t force him to speak.
5. Don’t isolate yourself: If you do, you might lose him entirely. Even if he is gay, you can help him out of it and so, isolating yourself from him will do none of you any good.
Instead, become more lively or homely, show him more affection, cook for him, wash his wears but try not to overdo to prevent him from suspecting you have something going on.
The whole idea is to become more of his friend than his enemy. This will be hard but isn’t impossible, you should do it if you love him.
6. Get busy: An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. It might not make sense but getting yourself busy will help your mental health a lot.
Knowing or suspecting that your man is cheating on you with another lady is devastating talk more when it is with a man, to some it’s both devastating and embarrassing as well.
Staying idle will worsen the case because you might not be able to handle it but putting your mind on something else will even help you make better decisions that will benefit both of you.
7. Pray for him: If you believe in prayers, then, you should pray for him fervently, that always works. But, ensure you mutter the prayer while doing so to avoid it getting to the ears of the other congregation or even while praying at home. Do that with faith and watch as things unfold for him.
8. Don’t say a word to the kids: That will be you poisoning their mind against their dad and that won’t seem fair to him if he notices.
You shouldn’t let the children know especially if they are not grown yet. If they are grown, you can confide in them and help get their dad back home.
9. Don’t tell his family member: Now, why will you run to them when he hasn’t even told you he is gay yet. If you do that, you will be acting based on assumption and his family might not take it lightly especially if he denies at your presence that he isn’t gay.
The best thing to do is to leave them out of it, if he wants his family to know of his sexuality, he will inform them himself.
10. Don’t call him gay: I know you might have seen several big clues that he is gay but that does not give you the right to call him that, he can sue you for that.
Calling him gay when he isn’t ready to be known as one will hurt him really bad, and that’s not good for your marriage or relationship. So, keep your mouth shut and wait until he confronts you on the matter.
11. Talk to a therapist: No matter how strong you are, you won’t be able to handle this situation alone. It will toil with your mental health a lot and you wouldn’t want that. Visit a therapist for some therapy, s/he will help you through this process.
Knowing that your boyfriend is gay can be devastating but before you act, use the signs your boyfriend is gay as mentioned in this article to confirm your suspicion, and while doing that, follow the tips above. They will help you through the process.